we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
