its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
