She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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