I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
