Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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