omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
