I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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