He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
