Can i not drive my cunt home
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Randomize
