I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
