I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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