Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
