I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
