i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
