I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
