oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
