the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
