she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
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