I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
