i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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