i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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