How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
