you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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