Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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