Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
