In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Randomize
