DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize