I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
