i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
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