I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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