I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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