I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize