last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
