Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize