he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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