I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
