Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
smell my finger.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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