he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
