i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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