just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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