This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
It's rum buckets o'clock
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
