and next time when you feel me up, do it right
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
