if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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