id be glad to
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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