have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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