He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Randomize
