3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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