Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize