So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
