that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
