i barfeds in our rink
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
