my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
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