those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
