What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize