The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
