finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We had sex on a dog bed..
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
