I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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