dude i'm inner monologue high
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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