I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
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