i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
