Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
is wine microwaveable?
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
