The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
