it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
