You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize