Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
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