He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
