me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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