Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize