My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
