I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
