Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
