Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
