if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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