Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Randomize
