she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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