He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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