i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
